The rules to surviving the illogical world of the living dead. As told by someone who could care less about zombies. Follow these rules or you may end up like that guy.
You see? He didn't follow the rules!
1. Going into a mall.
Is it just me or do the actors in zombie movies get stupider and stupider as the remakes go on? Every zombie movie or
game that I
can quote has had at least one scene in a mall, and in every scene of that nature at least two people die. They just don't seem to understand that if you go into a mall with your crew of five people that don't get along, but are forced to cooperate for survival, only 1-2 of you will get out alive. The survival rate will drop pretty quickly. So, when you're being attacked by zombies in a post-apocalyptic world and you see a giant mall that seems safe enough, just be sure to weigh out the pros and cons. Check out our "Zombie Survival Test" to see if you're going to survive!
game that I
can quote has had at least one scene in a mall, and in every scene of that nature at least two people die. They just don't seem to understand that if you go into a mall with your crew of five people that don't get along, but are forced to cooperate for survival, only 1-2 of you will get out alive. The survival rate will drop pretty quickly. So, when you're being attacked by zombies in a post-apocalyptic world and you see a giant mall that seems safe enough, just be sure to weigh out the pros and cons. Check out our "Zombie Survival Test" to see if you're going to survive!
2. Not fueling up the helicopter when you have the chance.
If you're not stupid as hell, then you'd already do this any way's. (This is a reference to the 1978 movie Dawn of the Dead) Putting gas in your helicopter is something smart people think of already in a normal non-zombie ridden world, smart people that were Blackhawk pilots in the normal world. That means the people in the before mentioned world should think about this before taking off in their helicopter. Gas makes you go. Zombies kill you if you don't go, and the sad thing is that zombies seem to crowd around helicopter fueling stations. So fuel up when you have the chance.
3. Staring
Zombies don't think very highly of this. In fact they don't think at all. One of their remaining instincts of a zombie is for some unknown reason self-consciences. They have the bitter memory of their not horribly disfigured faces, so when you look at their uglier then Charles Brawnson mugs, they get pissed and have the sudden urge to bite.
4. Questioning the stupidity of the very idea that a zombie biting you will turn you into a zombie.
I know just as well as everyone else should that a zombie biting you should not give you the zombie sickness as well. When a person has an STD and they bite you, you do not get warts all over your body. If you got the zombie disease from something like rape then it'd be a little more understandable. Sadly though if you're caught in a zombie movie scenario you're already too stupid to question any of the ridiculous things that had to happen for you to be in that situation, so I'm sorry but it's too late for you.
5. Being at all afraid of a zombie.
A zombie's legs are about as functional as its brains. (That means that the legs are not functional.) In any realistic zombie movie the zombies are not quick. I do not believe I can stress this point enough. And no, the freaks from I am Legend, Twenty-Eight Days or Years Later, or the already mentioned Dawn of the Dead remake are not real zombies. Around the year 1987 people watching these movies finally realized that slow moving zombies weren't scary, so the Hollywood masterminds decided that they should change in the cheesy makeup and blood for fear. I assure you, when the day comes that zombies take over the world (and oh, it will come) these zombies will be slow moving and falling apart. So don't be afraid, don't run, or I'll personally get bit, hunt you down, and bite you right in your stupid ass.
via Cracked
